How Can I Teach My Heart To Forget You?

. . its so stupid to think that u can’t teach your fuckin’heart to forget someone who doesn’t love u from the start. u give and exert much of your effort to make your relationship work but still it didn’t. You try to understand things but its still vague. Sometimes u gotta asked yourself and try to answer the things that bugging in your mind. Like for example:

- what’s lacking with me?

- did i make our relationship worked?

- am i worthed to be loved back?

- am i true to myself?

- i think im not worthed to be treated this way. .

- am i productive??

This are some of the question that keeps on bugging’ in my mind. Sometimes I blame other people why I end up this mess. But I always remember problem comes from me. . I ask myself first before I think of other people. Some of my questions might not be answered but i guarantee that some of it are being answered but yet realized.

Teaching myself to forget someone is very hard. It’s easy to say but it’s definitely hard to do.I have to consider many factors and of course my feelings/emotion or should i say my HEART. I listened to my friends’advises and I try to think about all their advises and find some remedy to this. But I end up with nothing. And jump into another conclusion. It’s so naive to think all about this shits. But I can’t help it. All I gotta do is to balance everything. Focused myself more in any activities, hang-out with my friends and keep myself busy. In that way, I will never notice that the person I want to learn to forget is gone. I don’t have to rush myself to forget someone so quickly. . .

Reality Has Its Own Middle Finger

Its full moon now, I can see its written a whole of my life story there. I see the dark night in the whole year, shining with one or two stars above. The peacefulness, how quiet I can only hear my thoughts murmurs under realities I have been through. It bites.

How I hurt people when I didn’t mean that. Karma always followed after. How the people I loved walk away from me, and how a trust so strong just vanished as if it never meant to be. Beautiful tales, ugly chronicles, sorrow, pain and cold happiness jump in my life one right after the other.

“Count your blessings instead of sheep” that’s what people said to me. Yes, I do admire how life gave me wondrous coincidences that always happen and I believe it was something destined to be. The state of emergency is where I want to be.

I’m thankful for my parents who hurts me esp my father, friends with their laughter and enemies with their lies that make me realize how life is just one package of drama, reality, a bold and strong feeling called truth. Just how people manage to make it as attractive or hideous as they want it to be.

But one thing for sure I’m fed up with this episode. I need a getaway, someone that dares to take me somewhere I could test my courage on life’s ugliest side. Like other country most specifically New York, where individualistic is the only thing that matters, or Mississippi where family values still on the major track. Maybe Europe, where I can die artistically among the true meaning of art, and perhaps Japan, where I can taste a bit of radical fashion & technology of the future.

Dreaming of distant imagination brought me back to the same moonlight. It just bright and quiet, shining on my optimism of a new year, a new life. I know when I’m not here anymore, I’m still looking at the same full moon…it never change.

JUst when i tot its the right one =(

I really can’t explain how this situation affects me. Just when i thought everything is ok and yet i found out that its not. . i felt like i was just in mini scene. I keep on loving and yet i always end up crying. .i am writing this post just to express and lessen the pain that i felt inside my heart. .
sometimes i wanna get drunked and i wanna shout to the whole world that “” im so DUMB and WORTHLESS